Queenly Budget

For over 10 years I have competed in pageants across the country. As I have said countless time "pageantry is an expensive sport!" Many would say you have to spend big bucks to win but I haven't always agreed with those sentiments. When I started pageantry I couldn't always afford the designer gowns or even the designer clothes, soooooo I had to be creative and think outside the box but, still be fabulous. I realize that there are many queens who are in my shoes! We have Sak's Taste but Charlotte Russe bank accounts! Right along with believing in "World Peace" I believe we all deserve to feel like a queen regardless of our bank accounts! Each week I'll release photos on how I shopped on a budget and where you can create similar looks!  Be sure to subscribe for my next blog.

Top: Fashion House *Houston Based Store*

Skirt: Agaci

Necklace: Aldo 

2016 Non Negotiable

As you grow in life our needs, our desires change. There are times we will out grow certain mindsets, certain environments and certain people.  This week has been a week of reflection, as I am preparing for the 2016 TAKE OVER. * Beyoncé Dance* I stumbled across the pages of my old journal. While most of my pages where unicorns, skittles, and rainbows there were a few pages filled with thought provoking journaling. In the past year much growth needed to happen in order for me to become the best Roneshia I could be. Now, with 2015 came major heartbreaks, breakups, weight challenges, titles, business ventures, and so much more. But within all of that (yes I managed to survive) came clarity. So as we embark upon 2016 I am challenging each of you to simply live in your “enoughness.” 

Theses are my 2016 non negotiable 

Harden Not your Heart

2015 I experienced two break ups. At times; I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep and I literally felt as though the whole world came crashing down on me.  The first breakup was with someone I invested a lot into.  For me breakups were always very tough and I take them personally. In my mind, I am to blame for it not working out.  Even if they had cheated a million times, I still took the blame. In the midst of taking the blame, I also harden my heart after every breakup, every betrayal, and every bad business deal. Each time we harden our hearts we create less space for love which equals less space for our blessings. It is my belief that all great blessings are created through love and the ability to love in spite of the negative things that may occur.  The second break up was literally with myself, I mean I really dumped my little insecure self. I needed to rid myself of the fragile, timid person I was behind close doors. I needed so badly to be ME! I needed to free myself of the passive person who mumbled; “Okay” whenever someone said something I didn’t agree with. I needed to ditch the chick who was scared of our own voice. I left her, right after that last break up. Each time we harden our hearts we create less space for love which equals less space for our blessings. It is my belief that all great blessing are created through love and the ability to love in spite of the negative things that may occur in life. I left that part of me and started dating this new chic! And she was CoCo Chanel Fabulous, Olivia Pope bold, Nina Simone outspoken, and Diana Ross Shiny like glitter! 

Exhaust Yourself with Intention and Purpose into your Craft

The word exhaust means to use everything within. Often times we want results we are not willing to work for them, therefore they aren’t created.  We have to be willing to exhaust ourselves with purpose in order to be the people we want to be and also see the results in our craft that we would like to see. When I look at the greatest singers or the best athletes often times they aren’t the BEST, but rather the most discipline. They exhaust themselves in their craft and therefore the results they seek and the results they get. 

Live in your “Uncomfort-Zone” 

Lastly, I triple dog dare you to bask in the Uncomfort-zone. C’mon you know that area where we see if and hide under our covers in fear that it will leap out of the shadows, attack us and force us to be AMAZING! Yes, I’m taking about that uncomfortable feeling. I recently got a hold of Shonda Rhimes (The chick who writes all the TV shows we gag over on Thursday) “A Year of Yes” book and while I should probably be focusing on setting boundaries and saying NO! Ha. It made me really think about things I am terrified of! Setting Boundaries! * cue horror music* But in 2016 I will live in my uncomfortable zone and set boundaries that may be uncomfortable for others but necessary for me.  

So here in the year of 2016 give it everything you got! Love freely, dream freely, set boundaries, and create the hierarchy you deserve!

APPROVAL-The Power of Self Awareness

The room seemed to be spinning as if I had drank way too much and those fish tacos were on their way up from the depths of my belly. (This from someone who doesn’t drink but have witness enough drunks in my life to understand what happens after a long night of throwing back margaritas at happy hour with your closest girlfriends)  My last application for law school was complete. Graduation, was next semester and I wanted to make sure all my ducks were in order. On one hand, I knew that graduating from one of the most esteemed HBCU programs, would never be enough for her. To see me, to recognize me, for her to say she was proud of me, or even simply be genuinely happy for my accomplishments, that is all I ever wanted. Getting accepted into Law School was going to change all of that, she would finally be proud of me; possibly become my number one fan, or so I hoped.

For most of my life, almost everything I had done was seemingly to impress her, in hopes I would finally be “good enough” for her stamp of approval. It was after I was initiated into my sorority, that I discovered and accepted my own calling.  Often times we know and feel our calling however we ignore it because we are too afraid that it won’t bring us the fame, or assist us in breaking into the tax bracket we feel we deserve. So, we ignore it and instead we focus on the thing that drives us to settle for the acceptance of currency. In the pursuit for extra money, I began a part time job tutoring at local Title I school in Houston.  It was there that purpose bear hugged me so tight and inevitably wouldn’t let go.If you’ve ever been bear hugged before then you know the first 10 seconds of this is paralyzing and the more you try to fight the harder it becomes to break free.  During my stint there I exhausted myself into helping the students, both inside and outside of the school. Every day became a day of learning for both myself and for them. I believe I learned more from them then they from me. I learned the meaning of life and destiny. It is far larger than a position or income, it is the passion and joy you feel when you have landed on the moon when shooting for the stars. Wow! What a feeling! 

After hearing several of my students’ survival stories; I knew that the reason I could never get that great Criminal Justice job I so adamantly applied for, was because God had other plans for me. Their survival had become my survival. Their acceptance replaced the need for her acceptance. My acceptance was my own affirmation of what ‘”I” wanted for my life. It was in that very moment that I began to redefine what success look like for Roneshia. Only I had the Power to do. It is my belief that everyone has that same Power of defining their Purpose…. W all have it… It meaning; Purpose. It cannot be given or taken away by other, not even someone as special as your mother. Most settle with living comfortably rather than seeking their Purpose. For me my Purpose was hiding behind the need for acceptance from someone who hadn’t fully acknowledged and accepted herself.  I’m often asked “What happen to your aspirations of becoming an Attorney?” Well, I realized that it was never my dream but rather a measuring stick of “Am I good enough?” And, thankfully… that answer was no longer left open for anyone to answer but me. I chose teaching over Law School because I found Purpose in helping to mold the minds of the survivors.  I saw myself in them. They were my reflection. I accepted them for who they were and I wanted to help them accept themselves as being capable of anything their little hearts could imagine. They were me and I them. PURPOSE….. 

Are you living in your Purpose? Or are you living someone else’s ? 

One Month 7 Dates

Here it was 5:50 am and I was recapping my week and seeing how I could make some adjustments for the week ahead. During my assessment, it crossed my mind that I had been on quite a few dates this month, over 6 to be exact! My date was entertaining, socially conscious, enjoyed reading, beautiful, and her favorite color was Rose Gold. Imagine my surprise when I realized that over the past month I had been "going steady" with myself. Hold heartily, I believe that in creating our hierarchy we must start from within, and let that explosion happen inwardly and progress outwardly. I know what you're thinking, you've heard this whole " date yourself" concept far too many times or maybe you're like my old high school friend, who was tickled pink and shocked to see me coming out of a restaurant alone. I would advise, anyone especially single women between the ages of 25-31 to date yourself. And hold yourself to your own expectations.  If your Facebook timeline looks anything like mine then you are constantly faced with the task of dealing with millions ofwedding photos, engagement pictures, and baby 1-5 announcements. And after the first 45 seconds of scrolling Facebook and Instagram it can be a tad bit depressing, if you allow it to be. Dating myself at my own level of expectation allowed me to fully value what I had to offer, and not feel like I was in a losing race against time. Now dating yourself can a be a little tricky at first and NO dating yourself is not an excuse to be lonely or anti social, it's simply a way of getting to know yourself better! 

First things first, pick a date, time and place. Think of somewhere you really want to go and or have been eyeing for a while and book your reservation. Reservation for one please! Now let's keep it all the way Queenly; we all know you wouldn't allow someone to take you to Burger King for a date so pick somewhere you would really enjoy or if you're into fast food places, go ahead and "Have it Your Way".

Secondly... Get dolled up or for my fellas reading this, get suited and booted. Don't go on your date half stepping. I realize that when you look good you feel even better! It is that SIMPLE!  Take your time getting ready just as if you were getting ready for a first date with that IG crush you've been eyeing all year. 

Thirdly, this isn't a phone date so you won't need your phone, allow yourself a selfie in the car, and maybe a picture of the foodif it makes you feelbut other than that this date is a " No Phone Zone" so turn off your device and put it away. Easier said than done; I KNOW. But if your date was consistently checking their phone then you would be "over it" so hold yourself accountable to the same standards. 

Four. Ask the questions you want to know. I mean that's why we go on dates right?!? To get to know the person on the opposite side of the table better, well imagine the person on the opposite side of the table is a mirror looking right back at you! Who are you? What do you enjoy? What are your dreams? Visions? One of the big takeaways I had in answering my first date’s questions was that a lot of my answers were outdated and antiquated, I had become so accustomedin answering them that I never really stopped to update myself about myself. My favorite color was no longer glitter but rather Rose Gold. I enjoyed more than just shopping. I had grown into a person who sought new adventures. These were just a few of my discoveries. 

The more questions I asked, the more I realized how much I had grown since the last time I dated myself.I realized that my list of must haves in a mate had totally altered and overall after this my dating experience would never be the same. 

Lastly, bring a journal and something to write with. You're probably thinking why?!? Well, this is your space to answer your questions and dialogue with your date. Today, get a journal and write down the list of questions below for your date.  Take them with you on your date and keep yourself occupied with the" conversation". This is a great way of tracking your dating progress and even holding yourself accountable. When you get to know you better and learn how to treat you, then you are better equipped to show others how to do so. Happy dating!  And remember, no “Netflix and Chill"

Until next time Queens

Create your own Hierarchy,

Date Questions 

1. What is your favorite color? 
2. What  type of music could you listen to all day? 
3. If you only had 24 hours where would you go and why? 
4. Who is your all time favorite person in history? Dead or Alive 
5. What do you do for a living and why? 
6. Do you feel as though you couldn't live without what you are doing for a living? 
7. If you had a week off from work and an unlimited amount of money what would you do? 
8. If you could rate your relationship with your parents from a 1-10, what would be your number and why? 
9. What makes you undeniably happy?
10. If you could have anything in the world to eat with no restrictions what would it be? 
11. Name three movies you could watch all day
12. Where do you see yourself in the next 18 months? 
13. Who is in your circle ( friends) and why? 
14. Who do you call on for emergencies? 
15. What is your purpose in life? How did you discover it?
16. What do you do to relax for the day? 
17. Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert? Why? 

A Crown for You

It was after 11pm when I reached my hotel room, heart still pounding, eyes still dampened from tears. As I reached for my hotel room door, I turned around and looked at the ten eyes gazing back at me. One set in particular stood out. In that set of eyes, I could see for the first time a sense of pride. As I reached for the top of my head with my right hand, I felt the piece of metal, the crown that I earned. After five years of battling, I had finally won the war. At that very moment, it seemed as though time stopped in place for me and the universe finally opened its stubborn hands to show me an undoubtable act of favor. I peered behind me. As I opened the hotel door, I caught a glimpse of her eyes again. I stared deeply into them as if I had just broken every generational curse that could have stood in my way. In her eyes were the years of damage of not being able to always provide. In her brown eyes, outlined in gray, were years of self-doubt that reflected on me. But on that night, those curses had been broken. It was the night that I fought my insecurities and walked on a national stage that wasn't always meant for women like me.

As I reflect on the night I was crowned "Miss Black America Coed," I realized that the tingling feeling I felt from the top of head, through the middle of spinal cord, to the bottom of feet wasn't only a feeling of victory for me, but a feeling of victory for any and every person who has been afraid to dream. Fearful to walk in an uncomfortable zone to find my purpose, I realized a year later, that every battle lost while on this journey to self-confidence was preparation for the war I would face. For me, my competition wasn't the beautiful women next to me; it was the damaged woman I was fighting to overpower daily so the woman I wanted to be could be free.

Eight thousand, seven hundred, sixty hours later, as I type this listening to Donny Hathaway’s "A Song for You," I realize my crown was more valuable than a mere piece of metal encrusted with crystals. It was a crown for my mother who, as I stared in her brown eyes outlined in grey, knew that whatever she didn't accomplish had no bearing on what I could achieve. It was a crown for my sister who took on the mother role and instilled resilience in me. It was a crown for my consistent support system as  they had dared to go on this journey with me by choice. It was a crown for young ladies who pushed me daily to never give up on my dreams with their sheer belief in me.

Three hundred, sixty five days later, I'm in awe of how much my life has changed after I decided to create the life I desire and deserve, despite my setbacks. I realize that the other women had no idea that I was fighting on stage for, what seemed to be, an effort to take back my life, take back the power to believe that a daughter of a high school dropout who was sleeping on her daughter's floor with her other children, could become anything she wanted to be if she was willing to create the hierarchy that wasn't created it for her. It was then I defined Modern Day Queen.